Have you ever been in a situation with someone where the conversation seems to be going smoothly then all of a sudden... BOOM you are now in an argument?
Do you ever wonder why with certain people in your life the same thing happens where you’re trying to help but get it thrown back in your face? Do you know someone who is always the victim and its annoying that they won’t do something about it?
Welcome to the Drama Triangle of life!
Karpman’s Drama Triangle is a Transactional Analysis demonstration or aka the game of how the three roles are played out in our relationships subconsciously.
The three roles are:
· Victim
· Persecutor
· Rescuer
The ‘game’ can be played with all three roles or just with two. The victim is always involved. This game can also be played out internally within our inner dialogues. Here’s an outline of each of the roles:
Victim
This part plays the “poor little me” card. The victim is the person/part that feels powerless, helpless and wants help but doesn’t want to ask for it directly. They hope for a rescuer to come and save them. They have an external locus of control where everything bad that’s happened to them is someone else’s fault!
Persecutor
This is the critical person/part. They point the finger at the victim and say what they did wrong or blaming them for the position their in. They resent the victim and the rescuer for getting them out of the situation they feel the victim has caused.
Rescuer
This is the person/part which wants to help the victim to make themselves feel important and of use. This person keeps the victim in the victim state by becoming the hero (therefore leaving the victim still feeling powerless). The rescuer tends to focus on the victims needs and ignores their own.
Example
These roles are not stagnant, and they change all the time (even within one conversation a person could play all three at different times).
Will: Why are you late again… You’re always late and I’ve had enough of it! (persecutor)
Aaron: Sorry, I didn’t set an alarm I forgot. Please don’t be mad. (victim)
Will: How can you be so stupid? Its so inconsiderate, I’ve been waiting ages. (persecutor)
Aaron: Hey it is not like you’re so perfect, stop having a go at me otherwise you will regret it! (persecutor)
Will: OK, I didn’t mean to upset you. (victim)
Aaron: Well you never help me with getting here on time so what do you expect? (Persecutor)
Will: Well yeah ok, I will ring you to make sure your up on time from now on. (Rescuer)
Note how the positions change, and when one player moves position that invites movement of the other player.
Stepping out of the Drama Triangle
So now you may be thinking, “how does this ever end!!!”.
Well the key is to recognise the game, then you can step out of it.
The victim role can be changed to a survivor role by reframing the victim mentality to be more empowered. For example acknowledging your strengths and asking for what you really need in an adult direct way.
The persecutor role can be changed to a challenger role, meaning that you keep stronger boundaries and trying to listen to the 'victim' without judgment.
The rescuer role can move to a coaching role where you are there for the victim yet allowing them to gain their own power by making their own decisions with your support.
Charli Davies
***If you're a trainee counsellor I might have just the thing for you!!!***
The Trainee Counsellor's Workbook now on amazon:
Komentáře