Therapy: Expectations vs reality
Expectations.
Fixing all your problems & getting all the answers or advice:
No, your therapist cannot provide you with all the answers, tell you what to do, give you advice, provide you with a cure or a magic wand etc. What your therapist IS there to do, is to provide you with a safe and comfortable space to allow you to explore your inner world, and support you through your journey of connecting with your own inner knowing, to reach your own conclusions on how best to navigate your world.
Assuming your therapist will always take your side:
What we’re talking about here, is assuming that your therapist will openly admit to sharing your values, opinions, or beliefs. This is termed collusion. Just know that whether your therapist agrees with your values, opinions, and beliefs or not, they are always acting in your best interests, so in a sense, yes. They are always on your side.
Assuming a friendship with your therapist:
The relationship you build with your therapist is unique. A good therapeutic relationship will foster intimacy which is built on a foundation of deep trust, support, safety, and acceptance. Therefore it’s only natural that this could be misinterpreted as a friendship. Again, your therapist wants the best for you and absolutely wants to see you winning at life, they work very hard to ensure they provide you with the best of themselves and their knowledge to support you on your journey. However, strict ethical obligations and restrictions prevent friendship or any other form of relationship with your therapist outside of the therapeutic space. We still love you though!
An escape from reality:
While the space provided is aimed for the purpose of safety and comfort, and can most definitely be a welcomed break from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. This also takes into consideration that your attendance to therapy is to face the issues that your reality brings, not to hide from it. And this is something that your therapist will support you through.
Reality:
Building a safe, comfortable therapeutic relationship:
Does what it says on the tin. As mentioned above, the primary focus of your therapist is to establish a strong rapport with you from the offset. Also bearing in mind that not everyone is for everyone, and for any reasons, which are your own, should you decide that your therapist isn’t the right fit for you, switch it up. It’s essential to ensure that your experience meets your needs for the most effective therapeutic outcome. All of our therapists at Altru, and most therapists will offer a non-obligatory, free initial consultation so you can try before you buy, so to speak.
Experiencing discomfort, awkwardness, tears, laughs, and a variety of other emotions:
This is very common, particularly in the initial few sessions, while you are still building a relationship with your therapist. And again as you start to unpick the layers of whatever it may be that has brought you to therapy.
Learning new skills, establishing healthier coping strategies, and unlearning unhelpful and harmful behaviours and thought patterns:
You already have all of the answers to all of your questions and the resolutions to all of your problems. Your therapist is simply acting as a mirror to your inner world to help you make sense of it. Oh, and they may occasionally offer you some resources that may be helpful in facilitating this in the meantime!
Exploring things you may never have touched on before:
With this relationship being so different from that experienced with others, it’s common to disclose things you may never have talked about to anyone before, and this sense of comfort in exploring these areas can feel a little alien, so perhaps a little awkward, but also liberating before too long.
Gaining new perspectives:
That mirror we use in therapy, alongside all the other skills learned and accumulated along the way, also helps in providing alternative ways of looking at things.
Sometimes surprising yourself with what comes up:
Also a common one. As you begin to explore further depths, you may come across parts of yourself that you weren’t necessarily aware of, and perhaps even denied or suppressed.
Sometimes experiencing periods of difficulty before improvement:
Also quite common, is when unearthing past pain and trauma, there is likely to be some resistance, grieving, and mourning. Which is all a completely normal and necessary part of the healing process.
Gentle challenges, encouragement, and support:
All of which already mentioned, mixed in with some gentle challenges and nudges where they may be needed. Just consider us your personal cheerleader!
Shifts in tolerances, self-worth, and confidence:
Now onto all the good stuff! Please know, that therapy is not all doom and gloom, and tears and tantrums, there will be triumphs and celebrations and sunshine and rainbows as well!
Sometimes feeling like there’s nothing to talk about:
I like to consider this, ‘the plateau phase’ where you’ve done a hefty amount of self-discovery, and everything seems quite calm, and perhaps even boring. Again, totally normal, this is just another phase to be held in.
Cultivating inner calm:
Tying in with the sense of calm, you may gradually start to notice a reduction of ‘noise’ in your head, and along with new strategies and techniques you may have developed, you will likely start to find yourself more at peace within yourself.
Gaining mental clarity:
Having space to unpick all of the chaos in your mind can prove to be beneficial in clearing space to reach better conclusions and resolutions on your own.
Attuning to personal needs:
As you start to become more aware of yourself and the connections in your life, you may find yourself retreating somewhat to tend to your own garden, or fill your own watering can/cup, whatever your preference of play on words, looking after yourself comes into play.
Learning to recognise your own worth and accepting nothing less:
Linking with previously mentioned shifts in tolerances and observing the connections and relationships in your life, and perhaps recognising that not every connection is serving your highest purpose. Therefore, implementing boundaries means that not everyone has access to your space, which is also a form of self-care.
Engaging with fun:
When the load feels a bit lighter, it seems only reasonable to find fun, joy, and laughter become more normal.
And what’s even more normal, is learning to accept that all emotions and feelings are valid and are a necessary part of the human condition. Therefore practicing patience with self, along with self-compassion and self-care are equally necessary in supporting this process.
Carly Ryan